I’ve been seeing some humourous posts online about the impact that physical distancing/isolation is having on both introverts and extroverts. It developed in me this desire to address some of the benefits and challenges that come along with both personality types during this time and hopefully give some tools for how to respond to and care for yourself and perhaps reach out to others.
Both introverts and extroverts are put into situations during this time that aren’t necessarily comfortable or ideal for either personality type. We might assume that this is the ideal scenario for introverts forgetting that if they are in a full house the alone time they might need to refuel is going to be harder to find. So both our introverted and extroverted friends are going to potentially be struggling with different things during this time.
It’s important to address the fact that no one is 100% introverted or extroverted. Generally, when you do a personality test it will give you a result that falls on a scale. For example your extroversion may be 75%, which means you have more extroverted tendencies and needs but there is still a part of you (35%!) that needs more introverted time and space. It’s important for us to use and exercise the less dominant parts of ourselves and be comfortable with using them. This means that for someone who is introverted it’s beneficial and healthy for them to step out into situations that make them use the extroverted part of themselves. This might mean that even though they may not be comfortable going to a gathering or party it might be beneficial to them to exercise their nondominant side.
Introverts are in a bit of a comfort zone during this time due to generally having more alone time and less social expectations or requests. Recharging yourself as an introvert and enjoying this time is certainly in no way wrong. It can be exciting, refreshing and restorative to be in an environment that you might thrive in (depending on multiple other environmental factors). This is a great time for introverts to recharge to a fuller point than they otherwise may be able to reach. So, to the introverts out there- enjoy the time to yourself, the quiet, the chance to think and to ponder.
If you’re an introvert and find yourself in a house that is suddenly more full, with less space and time for quiet than you did before, it’s important and okay for you to seek and ask for that time. In a discussion recently I was having with a friend of mine. They shared their current experience as an extrovert living with an introverted roommate at this time and something that they said stuck out to me. They said that they were aware that they needed to not expect their roommate to fill in for all the “extroverting” they would normally be doing, this one person could not fill the gap of the 15+ people my friend might be used to seeing in a week. My friend might be feeling as though her needs were being met (to a degree), but her roommate would have her extroverting resources quickly depleted.
If you are an introvert surrounded by extroverts (or just one extrovert) who may or may not be aware of this dynamic it is more than OK to ask for the time you need. It might mean being more creative with your time alone or your space. This might mean a walk outside, waking up earlier to have some quiet time before others are up, or perhaps a bathtub may never have looked like an inviting place to journal, but the quiet it provides may seem incredibly appealing now. There are also incredible benefits to being able to create for yourself a quiet “headspace” through deep breathing, meditation, prayer or visualization. There are some great mindfulness and meditation apps out there. So, download a deep breathing or meditation app on your phone, stick in your earbuds and close your eyes. Not only will you benefit now, but you will reap great benefits down the road as well. While you look to find the alone time you need it’s also helpful to check-in with yourself to note what is most restorative to you in that time. Sometimes what we truly need is to sit down, relax and watch a movie; while other times that may not be the refueling we need and our time would be better spent writing, drawing, playing a musical instrument or reading. As you head in to your alone time, check-in with yourself about what you truly need.
As an introvert this time of physical distancing and isolation is also an opportunity to exercise your nondominant side and to reach out to others to socially connect and engage even when it’s not your preferred or ideal situation. Agree to do that virtual “hangout” with friends you haven’t seen in a while or set one up with someone you’ve been hoping to talk to. As introverts enjoying this time of global social distancing we can forget that while we’re being fueled others are being drained, if we check-in with ourselves and know we can offer that social interaction an extrovert may be needing we can definitely reach out.
As most of us are already aware this is not an ideal time for most extroverts. So there are more areas for them to struggle with and challenge themselves in. This is generally not the type of environment an extrovert thrives in which is not, necessarily, a bad thing if they are still able to access what they need. Extroverts, in general, do struggle with time alone due to getting much of their energy from interactions with others. So, when you are limited in your social interactions as an extrovert you start to feel drained and low. During this time of physical distancing it is important to still get what we need in terms of our interactions with others which probably means getting a bit more creative. This new, temporary social landscape also means changing your expectations for a period of time about how you may feel or how recharged you are after socializing.
Being more creative in your social time with others might demand more time and planning but in the end will, hopefully be worth the effort. There are platforms out there that allow you to connect to play games, watch the same movie, or simply just talk. Getting the social interaction we need can be as simple as talking with a friend on a video call or as detailed as planning a Zoom party with a Spotify playlist sent out to the guests, games planned and suggested snacks for the time together. Depending on your area’s regulations, and using caution and wisdom, it could also mean taking a social distancing walk with someone or sitting outside a friend’s house to talk.
Now onto the challenge for extroverts, settling into your forced “down time”. Now is a great time to exercise that other side of yourself, that also has needs that can be met and learning to find out what that introverted side of you needs. Automatically we may think that we need to jump into meditation or quiet time for an hour and if we do anything less we have failed. Unfortunately, while this is an admirable goal, it’s not entirely plausible and will, more than likely, set you up to drop the goal because it’s unattainable. Start with 15 minutes, and if even that feels daunting starts with less. You could try journalling, meditation, mindfulness (which can include meditation but isn’t limited to that), or picking up an old (or new) hobby. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, it could be something as simple (and yet difficult) as allowing yourself to feel that discomfort we all sometimes feel in being alone. It could mean asking yourself why you feel so uncomfortable being alone and what it is about social distancing you are finding the hardest. As you spend more time intentionally alone you may find it gets easier and that you actually look forward to the time and naturally begin to increase the amount of time you spend by yourself
The wonderful thing about developing our nondominant sides, both introverts and extroverts respectively, is that it is something that will benefit us even when the physical distancing lifts. In fact, in listening more to this side of yourself you may learn something new or find something that you find refreshing and restorative that you hadn’t considered before.